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Please let me know if you have anything you need me to tag, for whatever reasons. If you have triggers or just hate a certain show, I can tag.

This is blog is my personal blog, so it's just all the things I'm interested in on tumblr, plus my slew of random-ass posts about whatever in my life (mostly bitching it's usually me bitching.) Breakdown is probably somewhere around 25% personal posts, 50% intersectional feminism, and 25% fandom.

If I say or do anything offensive or hurtful, do let me know so I can, y'know, not do it again.

I am cis and my pronouns are she/her/hers

I queue everything cool that shows up on my dash, and every time I get a new follower, my heart sings.

"The first nineteen years of my life nothing happened....AND THEN I MET A MAN CALLED THE DOCTOR."


i really really like “birthday” it’s one of my favorite episodes of angel - because it highlights so well how cordy has grown as a character

how she’s hidden the fact that the visions are killing her from her friends for two years because she wants to keep using them to help people

how the entire time she’s comatose and astral projecting, her first concern isn’t getting back into her body, it’s communicating to her friends that she knows there’s a little girl in trouble

how she’d instantly chose taking the visions back and accepting death rather than letting angel suffer under their weight

and how, when the only answer to keeping the visions and surviving is giving up her humanity - when she’s told the side effects will be unpredictable and she may never be able to lead a human life again - the girl who once only cared about her looks and her popularity and what other people thought about her accepts this without the slightest hesitation

and the line “so demonize me, already” is one of my favorites - both because it shows how seamlessly she makes that sacrifice and because of its double-meaning - so demonize me, already, says cordelia chase, who makes her own decisions no matter what anyone else thinks or says, who will readily and unflinchingly face people shit-talking and figuratively demonizing her to hell and back if that’s what it takes to do what she thinks is right and protect the people she loves. so demonize her, already, and go fuck yourselves while you’re at it.

cordelia chase gets some of the best character development in the entire damn series - and when btvs & ats have the impressive characterization that they do, that’s saying a whole lot

(via death-benotproud)

1. Trauma permanently changes us.

This is the big, scary truth about trauma: there is no such thing as “getting over it.” The five stages of grief model marks universal stages in learning to accept loss, but the reality is in fact much bigger: a major life disruption leaves a new normal in its wake. There is no “back to the old me.” You are different now, full stop.

This is not a wholly negative thing. Healing from trauma can also mean finding new strength and joy. The goal of healing is not a papering-over of changes in an effort to preserve or present things as normal. It is to acknowledge and wear your new life — warts, wisdom, and all — with courage.

2. Presence is always better than distance.

There is a curious illusion that in times of crisis people “need space.” I don’t know where this assumption originated, but in my experience it is almost always false. Trauma is a disfiguring, lonely time even when surrounded in love; to suffer through trauma alone is unbearable. Do not assume others are reaching out, showing up, or covering all the bases.

It is a much lighter burden to say, “Thanks for your love, but please go away,” than to say, “I was hurting and no one cared for me.” If someone says they need space, respect that. Otherwise, err on the side of presence.

3. Healing is seasonal, not linear.

It is true that healing happens with time. But in the recovery wilderness, emotional healing looks less like a line and more like a wobbly figure-8. It’s perfectly common to get stuck in one stage for months, only to jump to another end entirely … only to find yourself back in the same old mud again next year.

Recovery lasts a long, long time. Expect seasons.

4. Surviving trauma takes “firefighters” and “builders.” Very few people are both.

This is a tough one. In times of crisis, we want our family, partner, or dearest friends to be everything for us. But surviving trauma requires at least two types of people: the crisis team — those friends who can drop everything and jump into the fray by your side, and the reconstruction crew — those whose calm, steady care will help nudge you out the door into regaining your footing in the world. In my experience, it is extremely rare for any individual to be both a firefighter and a builder. This is one reason why trauma is a lonely experience. Even if you share suffering with others, no one else will be able to fully walk the road with you the whole way.

A hard lesson of trauma is learning to forgive and love your partner, best friend, or family even when they fail at one of these roles. Conversely, one of the deepest joys is finding both kinds of companions beside you on the journey.

5. Grieving is social, and so is healing.

For as private a pain as trauma is, for all the healing that time and self-work will bring, we are wired for contact. Just as relationships can hurt us most deeply, it is only through relationship that we can be most fully healed.

It’s not easy to know what this looks like — can I trust casual acquaintances with my hurt? If my family is the source of trauma, can they also be the source of healing? How long until this friend walks away? Does communal prayer help or trivialize?

Seeking out shelter in one another requires tremendous courage, but it is a matter of life or paralysis. One way to start is to practice giving shelter to others.

6. Do not offer platitudes or comparisons. Do not, do not, do not.

“I’m so sorry you lost your son, we lost our dog last year … ” “At least it’s not as bad as … ” “You’ll be stronger when this is over.” “God works in all things for good!”

When a loved one is suffering, we want to comfort them. We offer assurances like the ones above when we don’t know what else to say. But from the inside, these often sting as clueless, careless, or just plain false.

Trauma is terrible. What we need in the aftermath is a friend who can swallow her own discomfort and fear, sit beside us, and just let it be terrible for a while.

7. Allow those suffering to tell their own stories.

Of course, someone who has suffered trauma may say, “This made me stronger,” or “I’m lucky it’s only (x) and not (z).” That is their prerogative. There is an enormous gulf between having someone else thrust his unsolicited or misapplied silver linings onto you, and discovering hope for one’s self. The story may ultimately sound very much like “God works in all things for good,” but there will be a galaxy of disfigurement and longing and disorientation in that confession. Give the person struggling through trauma the dignity of discovering and owning for himself where, and if, hope endures.

8. Love shows up in unexpected ways.

This is a mystifying pattern after trauma, particularly for those in broad community: some near-strangers reach out, some close friends fumble to express care. It’s natural for us to weight expressions of love differently: a Hallmark card, while unsatisfying if received from a dear friend, can be deeply touching coming from an old acquaintance.

Ultimately every gesture of love, regardless of the sender, becomes a step along the way to healing. If there are beatitudes for trauma, I’d say the first is, “Blessed are those who give love to anyone in times of hurt, regardless of how recently they’ve talked or awkwardly reconnected or visited cross-country or ignored each other on the metro.” It may not look like what you’d request or expect, but there will be days when surprise love will be the sweetest.

9. Whatever doesn’t kill you …

In 2011, after a publically humiliating year, comedian Conan O’Brien gave students at Dartmouth College the following warning:

"Nietzsche famously said, ‘Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’ … What he failed to stress is that it almost kills you.”
Odd things show up after a serious loss and creep into every corner of life: insatiable anxiety in places that used to bring you joy, detachment or frustration towards your closest companions, a deep distrust of love or presence or vulnerability.

There will be days when you feel like a quivering, cowardly shell of yourself, when despair yawns as a terrible chasm, when fear paralyzes any chance for pleasure. This is just a fight that has to be won, over and over and over again.

10. … Doesn’t kill you.

Living through trauma may teach you resilience. It may help sustain you and others in times of crisis down the road. It may prompt humility. It may make for deeper seasons of joy. It may even make you stronger.

It also may not.

In the end, the hope of life after trauma is simply that you have life after trauma. The days, in their weird and varied richness, go on. So will you.

Catherine Woodiwiss, “A New Normal: Ten Things I’ve Learned About Trauma”     (via qasaweh)

(via professorspork)
















PUNJAMMIES™ are made by women in India rescued from forced prostitution seeking to rebuild their lives. Proceeds from the sales of PUNJAMMIES™ provide fair-trade wages, savings accounts, and holistic recovery care.

THESE are gorgeous and I want some

jesus these look COMFORTABLE 


GIMME GIMME GIMME they are beautifull

They come in plus sizes too, y’all!

Dear all the women in my family: I buy you pajamas for presents now. It’s a thing. Just roll with it.


These are made by women who are FORCED OUT OF THEIR CHOSEN JOBS AND FORCED INTO GARMENT MAKING which is an incredibly common problem with “rescue programs” in exploited nations. This company is founded by a white woman who wanted to ‘save’ poor oppressed brown women from the sex industry and so what happened? Now these women are working shit jobs with shit wages after being forced into the justice system and been given the option of prison time or this. 

That is NOT choice, that is NOT helping, this is a SCAM and a FARCE and yet another example of WOMEN’S LABOR BEING EXPLOITED. The rescue industry is a major provider of labor to garment manufacturing, it’s not CHOICE, its FORCE and EXPLOITATIVE.

bolding for emphasis because wow.

someone asked me for a source and this is yet another moment where I wish Andrew were still alive ugh but APNSW The Asia Pacific Network of Sex Workers, have written about this extensively some of which is on their wordpress

Seriously people, always be critical of ANYTHING that claims to be ‘rescuing sex workers/trafficking survivors’ because its almost NEVER what it appears.

https://www.facebook.com/leelaneena, https://www.facebook.com/APNSW, http://www.nswp.org/, http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-27903426, http://www.lauraagustin.com/tag/rescue-industry, http://apnsw.wordpress.com/page/8/ this shit is crazy

Honestly I would be surprised if any desi person didn’t look at this cokie-eyed from the get go, because once you’ve been called a “stupid Pun” by some cracker you don’t hear that shorthand slur of “Punjabi” without an instinctive twitch. Basically they might as well be called “Cooliepants” or “Curryknickers” or someshit like that.

Sorting out the links in the previous reply

https://www.facebook.com/leelaneena (amazing activist’s Facebook, connected with APSNW, publicly available through their website)

https://www.facebook.com/APNSW Asia Pacific Network of Sex Workers Facebook

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-27903426 article about sex work in Indonesia, specifically the closing of the Dolly Red Light District

http://www.lauraagustin.com/tag/rescue-industry Laura Augstine’s tag about the rescue industry

http://apnsw.wordpress.com/page/8/ Asia Pacific Network of Sex Workers discussing anti-trafficking in Cambodia, HIV and several other articles.

All of these are great sources for learning about the rescue industry in Asia, and the phenomena of forcing sex workers out of their jobs into garment manufacturing which is a huge problem for sex workers there. What people like @entitledlesbian I think was their URL fail to realize is that this is an industry that profits from the moral panic of sex trafficking, pushes for criminalization which directly includes the State criminalizing condom usage and performing brothel raids (as does The International Princess Project, who makes these pants). This is how they get their labor; through criminalizing sex work. It is an intersection of misogyny, racism, whorephobia and capitalism.

More about trafficking here 

I think I might have reblogged this post before but without the commentary on the sex workers being forced into garment making.

I’m reblogging it now with the links so my followers can look through them if they want.

(via fuckyeahsexpositivity)


Phillip Agnew of The Dream Defenders. The Dream Defenders is a human rights organization that’s building leadership and power among young people of colour to challenge racism in their communities.Phillip Agnew on All In

(via bigenderbeatnik)



• shirts actually designed for girls with larger chests
• plus size clothing ACTUALLY intended to accommodate plus size people not just scaled up littler clothing
• clothes for tall people that won’t ride up
• pants for people with no butts
• cute bras in bigger sizes
•the fashion industry’s understanding that there’s lots of body types and every body type deserves to feel good in the clothes they wear


(via lotsofcatsandcheapwine)



sometimes i forget that the marvel universe is actually fictional

#don’t listen to the lies  (x)

i was once playing a game called “three condoms and/or dental dams and a time machine who do you fuck”

and i listed steve rogers and my friends got mad at me claiming he’s not real or whatever but STEVE ROGERS IS REAL GUYS

(via theappleppielifestyle)





Two brides have become two of the most kickass women in the world by marrying to protest against homophobia in Russia.

Alina Davis, a 23-year-old trans woman, and Allison Brooks, her 19-year-old partner, donned matching white floor-length bridal gowns and married at a civil registry office earlier this month.

As Davis is still legally regarded as male, the office had no choice but to hand them a marriage certificate.

The couple said officials chided them, and appeared to be violent.

‘She called us the shame of the family and said we need medical treatment … I was afraid my pussycat [an affectionate pet name in Russian] would beat the fuck out of her,’ Davis said on her VK page.

But the couple were allowed to sign the papers, meaning a gay couple in Russia are legally recognized as married – even if it’s through a loophole.

‘This is an important precedent for Russia,’ Davis said.

Russia banned same-sex marriage and outlawed ‘gay propaganda’ in 2013.

holy jesus look at these two warrior princesses

they are my heroes


"Oh, you don’t wanna recognize my gender? Okay then lol guess you have to recognize my marriage"

that is amazing

this is the bravest thing. this is amazing. they’re risking so much

note to the world: sometimes gritty, bone-deep courage looks like two super femme ladies in cute matching dresses

(via professorspork)






Do you think that we haven’t been trying hard enough?

It’s also really disturbing to me that its a bunch of fucking dudes who made this shit and will profit from it. So men profiting from rape culture again. Great, have fun. Thanks for nothing, shitheads.

Do you think that we haven’t been trying hard enough?

There it is.